What Forever Looks Like

I looked at my calendar the other morning, the one that hangs inside the pantry door, the family calendar where we used to keep track of soccer games, teacher conferences and kid meetups, of graduation ceremonies and parties, of our doctors appointments and dinners with friends, of volunteer meetings and weekends away, of our presentations and vacations, the calendar that at one time I could not possible run a household without, and you know what?  I hadn’t turned the page since March.

Most of the events in March never materialized, nor did the few in April.  We skipped past May with nary a mark despite a big event or two like my son’s college graduation that never happened and his then upcoming five-month stint out west.  We ran past June, the start of summer and a canceled beach vacation, and now, he we are, hurtling through July like the Space Shuttle.

It’s odd when the life events that mark the passage of time are suspended, when the social fabric that holds society together is put on ice, when you can’t even hug those you love most dearly without first undergoing a two-week isolation period, when things as simple as sharing a meal together or going to the grocery store have become something to dissect, pull apart, analyze down to the studs and wipe clean with disinfectant when you get home.

On another note, all the toilet paper that my husband and I each ordered individually when the pandemic started and you couldn’t get any at the grocery store arrived a few weeks ago, the boxes plopped down on our doorstep within a day of each other, so much that we now have enough to get through to the next pandemic.

Is this what forever looks like?  If so, where do we go from here?  Perhaps we’ll take our cue from the cat and head back to bed until this is all over.

pam lazos 7.24.20

About Pam Lazos

writer, blogger, environmentally hopeful
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37 Responses to What Forever Looks Like

  1. Annika Perry says:

    Pam, it took me until May to realise I hadn’t looked at the calendar once! A sad space of blankness month after month … then I started to add something new that happened each day! More more cheerful! Well, at least you’re stocked on loo roll for forever! 😀😀 It seems like a long time since all the panic buying yet it was only spring. The strangest and most traumatic of years!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh wow, life with Covid is different, I hope it will be gone soon Pam

    Liked by 1 person

  3. cath says:

    I’ve just had a similar experience with our calendar. Life seems quite other-wordly at the moment, possibly, partly, because I can ID with your toilet roll situation. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ugh, my own calendar. I had so many sub dates I had to scribble out. Movie plan with Blondie, scrubbed. My mom’s last school year, gone. BUT. We could still celebrate Mom’s retirement. I’m still able to teach from home. Blondie finally got to see the Scoob movie (the dvd came the other day). None of it’s what we envisioned back in winter, but we do have blessings hidden in the nooks and crannies. I’m just praying we can do more to move forward soon. Hugs to you, Friend, and I hope some fuzzy hugs–and good toilet paper–get you through the rest of the summer! xxxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Damyanti Biswas says:

    We are all looking for that answer. In the meantime, someone looks comfy!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Linda Schaub says:

    That is sad Pam. For me, I have a rather solitary and quiet life, but I can definitely see that for an active family with many appointments, vacations and life events, your lives must be so incredibly turned around that it is unbearable. Since I worked from home before (since 2011) it has not an adjustment there like for some and I know you said you had worked from home on occasion as well, but the social aspect of your lives … that is important too. I I am like you in that every trip to the outside world seems like a big event anymore – I’ve made as few trips outside to “touch” or “inteact” as possible. I had angst to go for a teeth cleaning on July 2nd – I had scheduled it into the future (September) but with rising stats, I called and asked for the next early a.m. cancellation. I was feeling too bare without the mask and afraid to touch anything as I positioned myself into the chair. Yesterday was the yearly eye appointment which mercifully was as contactless as possible (for which I was grateful) and new glasses will be delivered curbside … now with states reverting back to March or April numbers, it is too much to bear. I wish you well and for your husband’s health especially during this precarious time. You gave me a smile as to the toilet paper … did they have to wait for the trees to grow to process them into TP? You are set for life quite possibly. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Pam Lazos says:

      😂🤣😂good one, Linda. Either that or they shipped from China, who knows?! We did get a package about a month ago with one package of Clorox wipes – about 40 in the pack – and it did come from
      China. It took like 2 months to get here. Crazy, right?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Linda Schaub says:

        Glad you liked that Pam. 🙂 I ordered some camera lens cover leashes about two years ago from Amazon. (You stick one side to the lens cover and the other end has a elastic band for fitting it over the lens.) Amazon sent an ETA of six weeks – I thought it was a computer blip of some kind – but no and it was in the smallest envelope you could imagine.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Pam Lazos says:

        At least they’re getting their packaging under control, Linda. 🤓

        Liked by 1 person

  7. I hear you Pam. It has been a very strange and at times weird existence. The animals don’t seem to notice or mind except for the fact they do like having the family home for company. I too have a calendar in my pantry with very little on it except when to give the cat a flea treatment. The one that’s kinda sad is in the room my two granddaughters live in when spending the night. I just keep turning the pages to the next month knowing it’s been another month gone by since they visited. We just have to find a way to live in between the spaces of our lives. Take care. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  8. What a strange new world we now live in! Hold onto your toilet paper. Who knows, you may need to exchange them for some other valuable item in short supply.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I’m glad this post ended a little lighter than I expected. I was afraid that maybe your cat had crossed the rainbow bridge to his forever home.

    I’m not minding the empty-er calendar actually; I always found a packed calendar to be a source of stress, and I was somewhat resentful, as a wife and mother, of my societal role as the calendar’s keeper. And somehow I still manage to be busier than I want to be, with zoom calls and trainings for work and political activism and online music. I know I am privileged to still have a job, and I’m kind of thrilled to be able to do it at home and not have to go to work!


    • Pam Lazos says:

      No rainbow bridge crossings here, Karen. :0) And I hear you about things still being busy. I am too, maybe more so than before since I’ve used the time to do other things like joining the board of the Global Water Alliance in Philadelphia. I am very grateful for the fact that I have a job AND I can do it from home. It really has been a game changer for me. I get to ride my bike almost every day and have dinner with my husband every night which didn’t happen when I was commuting. There’s always a silver lining.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Pat Dodson says:

    My new calendar started on St. Patrick’s day. That was the last day I had a few friends over for gossip and wine. Last night I ate alone and cried for every cat and dog I have loved in my lifetime. Such a contrast in a few short months. What will life bring tomorrow?

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Lol… Sorry just smiling at that last bit re you FINALLY getting that delivery. It is sad that calendars are empty. What we are doing here personally and have since the start, when it comes to tomorrows is making our own, our way… Our todays too x

    Liked by 1 person

  12. When will we be able to wake up from this bad dream? Possibly next year, I suppose.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Pam Lazos says:

      Wow, I hope so, Neil, but the interminable news loop doesn’t have much spring in its step, nor do the unemployment numbers. Fingers crossed 🤞 for the best. Now I must go stockpile my basement with gallon jugs of water and cans of beans. 😳😂

      Liked by 2 people

  13. lampmagician says:

    Oh, dear friend, you wrote the moment chaos short but clear! I wish I could answer the question but can just hope it’d to get only better (as the Germans say; es kann nur besser werden!) 😉 take care and stay safe💖

    Liked by 1 person

  14. TanGental says:

    With all that tissue paper I suggest becoming novelty papier-mache model makers focusing covid inspired earrings – those little crowns are so cute.

    Liked by 1 person

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