In keeping with my slow march through the 12 virtues of the merchant priests from the book “Sacred Commerce,” this is Trust.
Trust squishes her eye lids shut and runs her fingers through her long brown hair, willing her mind to focus on her textbook. She still doesn’t know what she wants to do out in the world and just thinking about it makes her stomach churn and whirl. She swallows her Anxiety and flops back down on the bed, keeping her mouth tightly closed because she knows if Anxiety gets out, she will surely make a scene. “Trust the process,” her mother says. Trust likes the way that sentence sounds, especially because it has her name in it, but name or not, it doesn’t make decisions any easier. Trust is pretty sure her parents gave her that name because somehow they knew that’s what she needed to work on.
Trust has been cut off in traffic before and that’s why she doesn’t drive in the inner lanes, preferring the outside lanes close to the shoulder where she can pull off onto in the event of an emergency. Trust is not silly or pollyanna-ish; she knows how to keep an eye out.
Trust isn’t without doubt, a common misconception among her peers. In fact, it’s quite the opposite which is what makes her so brilliant. She knows there are a million ways things can go south, and that chances of them exceeding her expectations are one in 3.14, but she trusts anyway, holding forth the candle in the darkness, knowing full well that some jerk could come by at any moment and blow it out. She believes in living life with a certainty that most don’t possess. She takes her job as guardian of life’s heart very seriously, but she still needs to make a living, right, so she’s being practical. I mean, who’s going to pay her just to be positive and nice?
Still, defining the rest of your life is an arduous task. As Einstein once remarked, you can’t solve a problem from the same place it originated, and Trust knows that, but sometimes it’s all just a bit much, kind of a bitch, even. When she gets like that — a little “doubty” — she takes a short nap and it helps change her perspective. After all, without trust, what does she really have?
[The Greek Meander Key representing the vicissitudes of life.]
Today is Day 20 of the #AtoZ blog challenge and I Trust this will all be over soon.